Letter to a Heart-Mama-to-Be

Hi there,

You don�t know me, but in so many ways I feel like I know you. Let me first say – Congratulations! You have a beautiful, God-given gift – a precious child – growing inside of you and that is something to celebrate. But celebrating looks hard right now. I remember the weight of the broken heart – the one you carry inside you and the one you�re desperately trying to hold together. It is the club that no one – not one of us – ever wanted to be a part of. There is nothing I can say in this moment to take this burden away – but maybe I can share my experience in hopes of easing some of the pain and anxiety that come along with this period of waiting.

Pregnancy is always a time of waiting, but when you receive a diagnosis like this, the tender pain and anxiety of the wait hangs heavy on your heart. Allow yourself to sit with that – let yourself mourn. Mourn the experience you thought you would have with this baby. Mourn the �typical pregnancy� experience that isn�t riddled with prenatal specialist visits. Mourn the �typical delivery� that wouldn�t have a dozen people in the room when your baby is born. Mourn the time you won�t get in skin to skin or the time spent in a rocking chair at home compared to a hospital chair next to your baby. Mourn the sweet beginning nights and days spent at home instead of a hospital. Let yourself feel all the feelings. But, once you are ready – and only once you are ready – I want to share a few things, things I believe I would have found helpful or did find helpful.�

• Get a second opinion.
• Trauma requires support and counseling.
• It�s okay to not know everything.
• Think about how you want to share this with people.
• Ask for help & use it.
• Use your faith.
• Consider documenting your journey.
• Advocate for your child.
• There will be hard days and happy days.
• Kids are resilient � siblings will be okay.
• Grow together with your spouse.
• Leave the hospital.
• Two steps forward, one step back
• Don�t compare journeys.
• Find gratitude.

Many of these things are more aspirational than practical at this moment (more detail through the link), don�t let it overwhelm you. These reflections are a compilation of nearly 10 months since diagnosis day. Perspective is easier to keep when you get to hold your baby in your arms each day – I�m among the fortunate. Rather than compare, what I want more than anything is for you to know that there will be sunshine for you again. There will be happy days. There are people who love and support you and there is a community invested in ensuring children like yours have the best quality of care focused on development and long-term outcomes.

So let yourself cry, sob, ache at the painful reality that awaits and then greet the new day with a resolution and constitution that is forged in the love for your child that only a mother knows.

My heart and prayers are with you,

Rachel Millard

Rachel Millard lives in Annandale, Virginia with her husband Andrew and two children Evelyn (2) and Harry (6 months). Harry, her heart warrior, was prenatally diagnosed with�a�posterior malalignment type ventricular septal defect (VSD) with subvalve aortic stenosis and a borderline small aortic valve annulus and an interrupted aortic arch. Rachel documented Harry’s journey on caringbridge:�https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/harrymillard