It’s an increasingly familiar scene in homes across the country: A middle-aged woman returns home from her nine-to-five job. Her house is alive with activity — the familiar din of voices calling for her attention. Her young son greets her at the door, eager to show off his gold-starred work. Upstairs, her elderly father watches a movie, waiting for his dinner. He needs help managing his heart medication and could use a good chat about the day’s events. All the while, her phone is buzzing, a reminder that her paid work isn’t done even as she wades through a mountain of unpaid care tasks.
She’s not an anomaly. Our fictional woman is a very real representation of 23% of U.S. adults who are part of the sandwich generation — caught between caring for young children and aging parents.
The dichotomy of life in the sandwich generation can be striking. One moment you’re discussing video games and homework, and the next, you’re managing medication and nursing care — all while trying to maintain a full-time job and your sanity.
And while sandwich generation caregivers are prone to powering through (who has time to complain), it’s important to take time to acknowledge and manage the stress that comes along with caregiving in this way.
This blog will explore some ways to manage that stress in order to keep the caregiving sandwich from becoming a pressure cooker.
What Is the Sandwich Generation?
Two social workers, Dorothy Miller and Elaine Brody, coined the term sandwich generation in 1981 to describe adult caregivers sandwiched between the obligations of two generations, often juggling childcare, eldercare, career and their own personal well-being. This care can come in the form of physical or financial support. Sandwich-generation caregiving has been exacerbated in recent years by the COVID-19 pandemic, which drove record numbers of young adults back to their parent’s homes.
How to Manage Stress as a Sandwich Generation Caregiver
Even amid the mountain of caregiving duties sandwich-generation caregivers face every day, it’s important not to forget your own health and well-being. We’ve gathered a few tips to help:
1. Care for Yourself First
It might feel selfish, but caring for your own mental and physical health has to be a priority. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep each night and doing something each day to make yourself feel good — whether that’s exercise, meditation or connecting with a friend.
Make sure you’re also keeping up on your own preventative health visits. A National Alliance for Caregiving survey found many adult family caregivers “often neglect their own need for medical attention due to their focus on the care recipient and the intensity of their caregiving responsibilities.”
This is especially problematic because sandwich-generation caregivers are most likely in the stage of life where regular diagnostic tests like mammograms and colonoscopies are strongly recommended.
2. Ask for Help
Support can come in many forms, from your spouse to friends to a professional therapist. The first step in asking for help is acknowledging that you can’t do it all alone. Make a list of tasks that you believe others could help you with. These could range from help with grocery shopping, cooking and running errands to babysitting or assisting with your elderly parent’s medical appointments.
By having specific tasks in mind, you can more effectively ask for the help you need. Then, communicate those needs to your support network. Be clear and direct about what you need, why you need it and when you need it.
Where possible, distribute responsibilities among other family members or hire outside help. Delegating tasks can reduce your workload and the associated stress.
3. Bring in a Professional
Geriatric care managers, psychologists and social workers can provide valuable assistance, from handling complex emotions and navigating healthcare systems to offering strategies for balancing caregiving and work responsibilities. By seeking professional guidance, you’re taking an important step towards preserving your well-being and ensuring you can continue to provide care effectively.
4. Find a Support Group
Caregiving can be isolating. It’s hard for others to understand just how taxing your life is. The support of like-minded people is invaluable. Many support groups meet online, making connections even easier.
5. Set Boundaries
An essential part of managing your stress as a caregiver involves setting boundaries. This means designating specific times for caregiving duties, work responsibilities and, most importantly, your own self-care.
It’s also crucial to set emotional boundaries, allowing yourself to separate from your caregiving role and affirm that while you provide care for others, their emotional and physical struggles are not your own. Clear boundaries can protect your mental health and ensure you have time to replenish your energy.
6. Let Go of Guilt
So many caregivers live with a constant feeling of guilt that they should be able to do it all without feeling frustrated, overwhelmed or angry. The first step to moving beyond guilt is acknowledging that it is a totally normal and valid emotion. Feeling guilty is not the problem; it’s hanging onto it that gets you in trouble.
Take steps to minimize guilt and realize you simply won’t be able to do everything for everyone all the time. And that’s OK.
The Impact of Caregiving on Health
The weight of caregiving responsibilities can significantly impact the physical and emotional health of those in the sandwich generation. According to extensive research compiled by the Family Caregiver Alliance, about 11% of caregivers report that their physical health has worsened due to caregiving duties.
This aligns with studies showing caregivers, compared to non-caregivers, are in worse health, with three-fifths of caregivers in 2005 reporting fair or poor health status, chronic conditions or a disability. This figure is nearly double that of non-caregivers.
Caregivers also reported chronic conditions such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and arthritis nearly twice as often as non-caregivers (45% vs. 24%). Notably, caregivers have an increased risk of heart disease.
The emotional and mental health of caregivers is equally affected. Between 40% and 70% of caregivers show signs of clinical depression, higher levels of stress than non-caregivers, and increased alcohol and substance use. The combined mental, emotional and physical toll highlights the need for effective stress management strategies for caregivers.
Enduring the Sandwich Generation Challenges
If you find yourself sandwiched between caring for children and parents, know that you’re not alone. It can be a profoundly challenging and taxing experience, but caring is also an act of love and dedication that has rewards amid the chaos. As you move through your caregiving responsibilities, remember you don’t have to navigate alone.
Leave a Reply